Lifeline
by Umbrella-ella
Summary: Stella will always be Mac's lifeline. Always. Set after "Rest In Peace, Marina Garito".


** A/N: This is the third one-shot I've done for CSI:NY. Please, do be kind. **

** While we're here, I don't own anything, save my imagination, my boatload of homework that has prevented me from writing ANTHING at all lately, and my love for Smacked. Anyway… This is for those of you who have been waiting patiently for this. I just had to find the right episode to pair this idea with, the episode being, "Rest In Peace, Marina Garito". **

LIFELINE: A SMACKED ONESHOT

Mac sat in his office, running the day's events through his head. It was nearing midnight and Stella still hadn't awoken to go home yet. Then again, she deserved some peace and quiet now and again.

He had come so close to losing her, again.

Again and again, his heart kept coming so close to being shattered.

Again and again, the feelings he had buried underneath the hard facts and rules of the job kept resurfacing.

He truly loved her.

He just couldn't tell her.

Again and again, she had come so close to losing her life, and Mac had come that much closer to physically breaking down.

It was infuriating, the way Aubrey had stifled him, smothered him into thinking that their relationship was so important, that their broken hearts could heal each other.

Today, in the hospital, when Aubrey had talked to him, and he had seen Stella looking at them, he had realized what he done. He hadn't healed, only seen truth. Mac had discovered that he couldn't live without Stella. And so, he had told Aubrey that he had to cancel on the date they had planned. When she suggested another, he stated that work was too much. It wasn't a lie, merely a half-truth, only a part of why he wanted out. Aubrey's look of shock had burned its way into Mac's memory. But when he closed his eyes, it was not Aubrey he saw, her lip trembling, tears threatening to fall, but Stella, brave and stoic and full of life. It was Stella he needed, Stella he wanted, Stella he loved…

Roused from his deep, distracting thoughts by a knock on the door, Mac started and turned, setting down the case file he had been about to look at when the day's events had distracted his train of thought. Seeing Stella up and about was the thing he needed. Her wild curls, mussed by her sleep on the couch and her tired, worn eyes proved that today's events had taken a heavy toll on his best CSI.

"How are you?" Mac asked, moving forward, reaching out to guide her to the chair. Even the small, reassuring touch she offered to him was so much more than he would have hoped for, even as he was sure it was because she had to move past him to get to the chair. He never did have to ask her to have a seat. Whenever she walked into a room, she commanded it, she owned it. And Mac had no problem with it.

"Coffee?" Mac offered.

"No, thank you. That's the last thing I need. I don't know what I need. I need… rest. What happened to me today, being in that hospital again… That was the last thing I wanted. I had hoped that I would never have to go through that again." Stella smiled weakly, giving Mac a small boost of hope.

"Stella… I am so sorry that you had to go through that and I never want you to have to deal with anything like that again. If I had my way, you'd be in the lab all day, protected."

"Mac, why would I need to stay in the lab? I have you and Don." Stella asked, her brow furrowing with confusion.

Mac contemplated Stella's reasoning and suddenly a burst of anger washed away his composure.

"Damnit!" Mac slammed his fist on the desk and Stella started.

"I'm sorry, Stella. That was just… I should've been there… I should've protected you! ME!"

Mac fell silent, the office suddenly as quiet as ever. Not a sound was heard.

"Mac…" Stella stood up, rounding the desk and standing in front of Mac. "It's okay. It's part of the job. I know. You told me it would be. And I'm okay with that. If my pursuit helped us catch the man, which it did, my resulting injuries only added another conviction on top of murder!"

"You could've been killed. All those times… Frankie, Greece, the bar, today!"

"You were there for me, Mac. Don't beat yourself up."

"I was too late… All of those times, I wasn't there. All of them…"

Mac grew somber, his mind closed to Stella. Stella, taking his hand in her own small, warm hand, kneeled so that she was facing him dead-on. "None of that was your fault. Who trusted Frankie? Me. Who shot up that bar? A group of confused, stupid idiots. Who went to Greece? Me. Who followed that man without backup? Me. It isn't your fault."

Mac scrubbed his face with his hands, sighing.

Mac's voice was unnaturally loud in the office when he spoke.

"You could've died today. I would've been burying you instead of tucking you in. I would've lost you… Just like I lost Claire… And there wouldn't have been anyone to stop me from chasing every criminal down 'til I worked myself into the ground. Stella, work is my life, I thought for a very long time. But then I realized why I wanted to go in every single day, why I managed to throw away the nightmares and come into work every morning, why I love this city. And it's always been _you. You_ are the reason I love this place, you are the reason I come in early. You… It's always been you. Today I realized that. When Aubrey was talking to me today, I just… I didn't care what she was saying, didn't really want to know. All I wanted was to hold you close and make sure you were okay. All I want anymore is for you to know that I love you. I love you so much… You are my _life. You _are the one true person I can count on and love and laugh with_. _And if you don't feel that way…" Mac was silenced by a look.

Suddenly, Stella's lips were crushing his.

She tasted sweet, like honey.

He wasn't aware that the nightshift had stopped working and started to whisper and stare, or that the lack of oxygen might just make them both pass out, or that Sid had now officially won the huge pot that Danny had started way back when.

In fact, in this oxygen-less, perfect moment, Mac was sure that he was alive. Because his lifeline was right there with him. Because their future was right in front of them, waiting, just as it always had been, for them.

FIN

** A/N: So I wrote this because I feel I owe my readers something, even when school is taking up most of my time. It really is saddening me that I have little time to do much else than schoolwork. I hope you enjoyed this, especially after last night's terrible episode. **


End file.
